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I allowed it!

Updated: Dec 22, 2022

The moments of reflection that become intense are those that carry with it disappointment or regret. It‘s not until later that you may realize that you did the best that you could for where you were and what you possessed in that present moment. But…the hard truth is that you allowed it.

Sometimes we have not thought through processes or communicated effectively our goals and aspiration and these are the times that we can be pulled away from them. I believe that keeping my goals visible whether on a vision board or by daily affirmations help to create a plan and a continual working of processes. When we have a vision but it is in the background we can be pulled away.

I have found myself on more than one occasion doing great things but not goal things. I can refer back to when I first graduated college and took a job as a new grad in a department other than what I had trained in. I was so excited because taking on this challenge meant that I would be acquring a new skill to add to my career growth. I conveyed to the team that this new department was not my strength but I was willing to learn with the promise that I would get to work in both departments so that I could stay sharp on my strengths. I took the job and started building and three months later my co-worker was injured and the entire department was on me. No room now to cross train because I was overwhelmed and now the only person in my department for an entire hospital.

I could not have been more nervous and I was disappointed and excited. Excited that I could actually hold down this department as a new grad and new employee but I was disappointed that we were not meeting the terms of our agreement. Many years later, I had to realize that I allowed it. I never went back to the team with the terms, I just did what was necessary for the hospital to run smoothly even when that made me feel like I was losing. Eventually we hired another full time employee and I still didn’t go back and allowed my goal to be a multi skilled professional to be pushed further to the background.

I could have revisited our agreement and entertained the possibility of working both departments but I got comfortable where I was.

Did my goals change?

Was I really ok with not adding to my skill?

Was I just being a TEAM PLAYER?

Was I allowing others to be happy at my expense?

All of these questions have been asked at some time or another but I had to also admit that I allowed it. I allowed my agreement not to be revisited and that may be attributed to the fact that I fell in love with that “second” department. Although I didn‘t cross train, the new skill that I acquired put me in greater demand and on higher pay scale. I was too young to realize this at my initial disappointment, it required me to be flexible and endure the process. I was still adding but in a different way. My colleague didn’t know that she would become injured and neither did I. I may have refused the job for feeling ill prepared for the assignment. She had been working there for over twenty years and in three months into my career, I had to take on all of the responsibilites that she had twenty years to master but… I allowed it.

I allowed myself to feel the disappointment, fear, and uncertainty as a 23 year

old new graduate in a new department. I allowed myself to stand up and choose not to fail. I began reading more books, talking to the surgeons and other professionals so that I could thrive in a less than ideal scenario. There were days that I was popping sweat and pacing the floor because it was on me to carry the pressure of this assignment.

I added leadership experience in a new setting, I starting training others because I was thrown into a not so perfect scenario. I allowed myself to change and put my goals in review. Today, that is exactly what I am asking of you- take the time for review.

Are your goals written and visible?

Have you allowed them to be pushed out of view?

Are they flexible?

Is your current state in alignment with the goal? What are you allowing?

Sometimes we can’t see what’s on the other side of where we are. It is important to keep your goals visible but it’s equally important to realize that the path may look different that what you initially planned.

That New Grad experience allowed me the ability to put new things on my resume and I have built on those skill for years. It’s a delicate balance to keep things in view but allow yourself to blossom beyond any limitation that may have been set for you.

Lakeisha Stevenson

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